Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Jack Johnson's Bubbly Toes?

It seems surprisingly difficult to take anything but strange pictures of toes. I am uncertain if it is purely the subject that is the matter or the consideration of the subject that matters. Maybe like building a perfect cube for a carpenter, so too is composing a glamorous toe shot for a photographer.

Someone suggested to me the other day that the behavior of toes (and possibly by extension, feet) is essentially a dossier of a person: Feetbook, but populated with undeniable facts rather than wit-quips filling Facebook. It was an interesting thought possibly prompted by the fact that amidst the conversation I was making fists with my toes.

“Fists with your toes…” mused John McClane in Die Hard. Wow! In considering the importance of feet, I was shocked at just how much of a role feet played in driving the action of Die Hard (not the sequels). Fists with your toes covered the marital back-story and set the stage for the barefoot high jinks throughout the film. Had the Aryan terrorist (ah! what a concept!) feet larger than McClane’s younger sister, the audience might have been spared one of the most uncomfortable movie moments extant: the removal of glass shards at the bathroom sink. I liked Die Hard quite a bit, but not until now did I feel the that possibly the credits should have included feet playing themselves.

Attention to feet led me to two fantastic instances of foot assessment: one British and the other metaphysical. That may be faulty parallelism, though maybe not. Foot reader Jane Sheehan has extensively published regarding her abilities to evaluate people’s lives by way of their feet. This SPECTACULAR clip on YouTube shows her skills at work in a mall. I would otherwise consider it to be as reliable as phrenology or possibly astrology, but my Facebook horoscope has been shockingly precise lately.

The latter instance is a foot reading service by the Mudrashram Institute of Spiritual Studies. Many of the spiritual services are available with little to no personal contact, rather by photographic submission alone. I am inclined to send the picture of my toes and find out what my feet have to say. Actually, I will do this as soon as I get some more film and hit a 7-Eleven for a money order.

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